Yeah, yeah, it's been a while since I've written anything here. My old excuse was that I found facebook. My new excuse is that I found twitch, where I semi-regularly stream myself playing poker.
But that's not the point of this post.
Last night, I had a very odd experience. And I kinda want to write it down before I forget about it.
I came home from work, changed, and went down to eat something. My wife was on her way home. We were going to go take a walk. Of course it was raining, so we were going to the local mall to log some steps. The goal was to hit 10,000.
All but one of the kids was out, and that kid had already eaten. So I pulled out a couple of hard boiled eggs, and heated up a couple of chicken sausages. I started eating and my wife came home. About half way through the 2nd sausage, something strange happened.
The only way I can describe it is it felt like I suddenly retreated into my head and was watching my life like it was on TV. At that moment, the thought of taking another bite was nauseating. I shook off that feeling. But I felt weird enough that I had my wife drive.
By the time we got to the mall, I found myself really struggling to keep separate any thoughts that had occurred from the day. Everything was just blending together into one gigantic jumble. While we were walking my wife was talking about things that had happened in her day, and I asked her to stop because I couldn't really wrap my head around anything other than the present. I started telling her about how everything was just weird. She didn't seem alarmed and frankly neither was I. None of this felt bad. Just unusual.
We walked past a t-shirt kiosk and I noticed a t-shirt that said something funny and I pointed it out. When we walked past the same kiosk again, I found a different shirt that I'd liked and pointed that one out. My wife laughed and said something like, "Yeah you pointed that out the previous time around." and I said, "No, this is a different shirt." She said, "Um. No. It's the exact same shirt."
The shirt had a google logo on it and said something clever. I don't know what. So I went back to find both the two different shirts with google logos on them, so I could point out that the first one was different. But there was only one shirt with a google logo on it.
Eventually we came home, and I started checking out who was on twitch. I found myself not able to even think about making complicated decisions that are required to play poker, so instead I fired up fortnite. After one round, a friend "LilDan1987" was waiting for me when I finished, and we played a duos game together. At the end of it, I told him I was feeling a little odd and stopped playing.
Later on my wife started telling me about a whole bunch of things from our walk around the mall that I did not remember. There were a few things that I vaguely remembered, and some other things that I distinctly remembered. She started telling me about the conversation I'd had with LilDan1987 while we were playing fortnite, almost none of which I'd remembered.
I wonder if this is what it feels like when people "blackout" from a night of heavy drinking. Had I had any alcohol I might have been tempted to attribute the experience to that. But I had not had anything.
I really don't know what happened. My wife says that I wasn't limping. Nothing about me physically indicated anything was wrong. I was not uncomfortable - although I knew I couldn't drive. The closest thing I can liken it to is that feeling when you're drunk where you are totally focused on the present, but without all the negatives from too much alcohol - no slurred speech, no dizziness, no struggle to walk.
I have no idea what happened. But I wanted to write down what little I could remember and describe the experience before it got too far in the past.